Varia Life
by youkoboy
Summary: The Varia is the elite assassination squad of the Vongola and the former guardians. This is a fic that focuses on the Varia. Some humor, multiple YAOI pairings including Levi/Liss, Xanxus/Squalo, Bel/Mammon
1. Chapter 1

He sighed as he carried the Baby with the weird frog on his head. These weren't princely duties. He entertained thoughts of ten thousand ways to beautifully carve the infant. Lost in his thoughts and unable to see very well under the thick mat of golden hair that hung down from under his tiara, Prince Belphegor walked headlong into Squalo, who had just made a turn onto the same narrow hallway in the Varia Base.

"VOOOIIIIII!!!! Watch where you're going! And cut your fucking hair so you can see!"

"Shut up before I turn you into a cactus," Bel said as he brandished a handful of 15 knives.

"Try Me!" Squalo said as he lifted his Wrist-sword threateningly. Lissuria waltzed into the hallway, completely oblivious to the mounting tension.

"Cookies, Cookies! Hot, hot HOT!" Lissuria chimed as he entered the hallway wearing an apron over his usual uniform and oven mitts on his hands. "Want one Squalo?" Lissuria" said as he held out the plate.

"Vooiiii! I have better things to do than consume cookies!" With that, Squalo stormed off in the general direction of Xanxus' office.

"Did I Hear Lissuria say Cookies?" Levi asked as he poked his head into the hallway.

"Yes I did Levi," Lissuria cooed. He loved Levi A. Thon but could never quite come around to telling him, so he threw him subtle hints.

"I love your Cookies!" Levi said as he grabbed one and stuffed it into his mouth.

Be; sat on the floor for a while, and then cleared his throat. Once he was satisfied that Levi was no longer trying to nibble on Lissuria, he declared "I hereby pronounce these to be royal cookies!" Bel then snatched the plate.

"Give the cookies back!" Levi yelled as he pulled out one of his umbrellas.

"Or what," Bel challenged. Levi backed down as Bel held up the knives he still had from his confrontation with Squalo.

"Fine, take those, me and Lissuria were just heading into the kitchen to make more!" Levi grabbed Lissuria by the hips and pushed him into the kitchen, watching his hips wiggle the whole way.

"They should just get together, huh Mammon… Mammon?" It was then that Bell realized the infant was gone. "Oh well," Bel sighed as he munched a cookie. "These are good!" Bel sat and munched cookies contently in the narrow hallway.

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Squalo Headed down the hall and knocked on Xanxus' office door. "Come In." Squalo entered the dark room. "What do you want?" Xanxus said coldly.

"The mission was successful, the target was eliminated, and the message was sent," Squalo reported formally.

"Any further business affairs?" Xanxus asked in a disinterested fashion.

"No, Sir." For a few seconds, He stood there, staring at Xanxus, and after a few seconds "VOOOIIIIIII! I MISSED YOU!" Squalo detached his wrist-blade and leaped over the desk into the lap of his lover.

"I missed you too," Xanxus said as he pressed their lips together.

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Levi groped Lissuria as he put the cookies in the oven. "Well," Lissuria said with a slight blush. "The cookies are in the oven and we have 20 Minutes till they're ready." Lissuria moved his body closer toward the former lighting guardian.

"Well," Levi blushed at his proximity to Lissuria. "We, maybe, if you want to--"

"Dammit, He loves you Lissuria, and he feels the same way Levi" Bel said as he entered the room. He was highly aggravated because he couldn't find his arcobaleno.

"Really?" mumbled Levi, his blush deepening.

"Yeah" Lissuria said shyly. Levi Grabbed Lissuria's wrist and dragged him into his room.

20 minutes later, Bel was sitting on a counter in the kitchen and a timer went off. He checked in the oven and discovered the cookies. "Yay, More royal cookies!" Bel chimed. He placed the cookies on a silver platter, along with a glass of milk and headed towards his room.


	2. Chapter 2

As Bel arrived in his room, he noticed a presence. He walked slowly over to the nightstand and placed the platter on it. In one swift motion, he covered the wall behind him with knives. You can't hit me, a high pitched voiced said from behind him. He turned around to see Mammon hovering in the air. "Here you are, I was looking for you." Bel said as he moved in to put a bear hug on the infant, but what Bel wrapped his arms around was certainly no infant.

"M-Mammon?" he said, looking at the handsome man standing in front of him. He was tall, lean, and had the same purple marks on his cheeks.

"Hello Bel," the adult Mammon said before he kissed the bewildered prince on the lips. Belphegor was too wrapped up in the pleasure of the kiss to think straight, so he just continued kissing the handsome adult arcobaleno.

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Lissuria burst out of Levi's room wearing nothing but his apron "MY COOKIES!!!"

"WAIT! Just finish… Please?" Levi yelled as he burst into the corridor wearing nothing. He sighed and chased after Lissuria. When he arrived in the kitchen, Lissuria was searching everywhere.

"What's wrong?" Levi asked angrily. Things just started to get good and now this.

"The cookies, they're gone!" Lissuria said angrily.

"Bel" both men said at the same time. They rushed back to Levi's room to get dressed, and then burst into Bel's room to find a sight they never bargained for. Bel was naked, clutching air, with Mammon sitting on his head. "What the hell, Bel?" Levi said. Bel snapped out of the illusion he had been in.

"Where did adult Mammon go? Is this an illusion?" Bel went over to Levi and kicked him in the crotch. Levi fell to the floor in pain. "Nope, not an illusion" Bel concluded. "But that means-" He reached onto his head and grasped Mammon, who had been trying to float away.

"What the hell!" Bell shouted at the Arcobaleno.

"You're really confronting me while your comrades stare at you naked?" Mammon said unconcernedly.

Bel gave a light blush as he realized that Lissuria and Levi were still at his door staring at his naked form. He then let mammon go and said "when you least expect it, I will ambush you and give you a taste of your own medicine." Levi soon remembered that he was here to get the stolen cookies, so he brazenly stormed into Bel's room. After he had taken three steps, a knife zipped past his head into the wall behind him, slicing his cheek. "Don't take another step, or you will die," Bel said grumpily. Levi was about to turn and go, when he saw Lissuria pouting sadly at the loss of his cookies. Seeing his love unhappy gave him more backbone than he ever had before. Luckily, while getting dresses, he had put on his umbrellas. He used Levi Volta in the middle of the room, but bell countered by creating a web of wire around himself, which took in the electricity. While the Levi Volta's light flash was still bright, Bel threw 3 knives, each one hitting Levi squarely in the chest. Levi fell to the floor and Bel stood naked in the middle of a ring of scorched carpet. Lissuria rushed to Levi's side, and moments later a half dressed Squalo and a shirtless Xanxus burst into the room. "What Happened!!?" Squalo demanded loudly.

"The royal cookies are safe," Bel said with a psychotic smile aimed at Squalo. Squalo, who had no real interest beyond Straddling Xanxus and killing enemies left and Xanxus followed him back to his office. Lissuria helped a scarred Levi to his feet and helped him to his room. Which left Bel in his scorched room, alone, naked with a silver platter with cookies and milk.

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Levi leaned heavily on Lissuria as the pair stumbled down the hall. Lissuria got some gauze and alcohol, rubbing and drinking, and began patching Levi up. Once the process was done, they both layed down in Levi's bed together. "That was very brave and sweet," Lissuria said as he cuddled closer to Levi. "when you get better, I'll give you a desert of a different kind" Lissuria said seductively. With that Levi fell asleep, eager to get better. And the house was in silence… For now!


	3. Chapter 3

I Do Not Own any of the Characters used in this story, it was written strictly for entertainment and not for any sort of profit… well maybe a few laughs.

Levi cringed as he sat up, his wounds came close to opening up, but he ignored them and propped himself up against the backboard. A light streaked through his dark room as the door open and a vibrantly haired skinny young man came in, beaming like the light he let in.

"Levi, you're awake." Lussuria whispered to the form sitting in the gloomy room.

"yes, I am." Levi said as he made room for the vibrant young man on his bed. Lussuria sat on the bed, got comfortable, then proceeded to snuggle with his love.

"How are your wounds doing? They haven't re-opened have they?" Lussuria began feeling the bandage over Levi's torso for blood or any sign of wound leakage.

"My wounds are fine, they seem to heal better when you're around." Levi held Lussuria close and kissed his forehead. He couldn't wait to get better, he just wanted to be able to make Lussuria smile, instead he only seemed to bring him a pained, worrying look.

"I love you, Levi," Lussuria cooed.

"I Love you too, Luss" Levi sighed and squeezed Lussuria

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A snowy-haired man straddled the raven haired man in the largest room in the compound. Snowy hair sat on pale skin and fell onto tanned, scarred skin. The two men locked lips, like they had for decades. They scoffed at the "romance" around them. They had been together for years. They had faced death, together and apart. They had faced the deaths of countless others at their hands. They could easily deal with anything love could throw their way, accept seemingly the easiest thing. Throughout their many years of "Non-commital" partnership, they never really got around to actually saying I love you. Of course, it was understood from both ends, and shown through many meaningless gestures, but never stated. It was one of those road blocks.

"Xanxus, I love… how you run the Varia, you're so masculine, yet you manage to be organized."

"Squalo I love… how you can't admit you love me." Xanxus smirked at his own cleverness and even ventured to chuckle a little, he was in his own room, with someone closer than his own skin, he could afford to let his guard down, and that's what love is, isn't it? So shouldn't that chuckle be an "I love you."? Xansus pulled Squalo down for a drawn out make out session.

"I love the way you kiss." The chuckle was heard in the hall, the location of our feature couple.

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"ShiShiShi The boss is chuckling, I wonder what Squalo's doing in there." Bel's mind went wild with mental images.

"I wish your mind wasn't a corrupt cesspool." Mammon said as he floated to his favorite seat.

"Mammon-kun!" Bel hardly EVER allowed himself to get excited in public, but that Arcobaleno was the one thing that excited him more than blood. Mammon allowed himself to be picked up.

"Where have you been?" Bel asked anxiously.

"I had a mission." Mammon said in a bored tone. Bel started to walk down the hall in the general direction of his own room for once. He placed his prized Arcobaleno on his head and walked into is room and closed the door. Mammon floated down, then formed the illusion of the masculine adult him.

"isn't this what you wanted, Bel-kun?" Mammon said. Bel quickly wrapped his arms around the illusion. He then shyly and tentatively pressed his lip's against the illusion's, which also happened to be the location of Mammon's, taking him by surprise and shattering the illusion. Bel opened his eyes, finding himself grasping Mammon and Kissing the Cursed infant. Mammon, determined to make the best of this, licked Bel's bottom lip for entrance. He obliged, letting the illusionist work his magic, making him feel utterly controlled. Mammon Re-cast the illusion, turning back into the rugged, muscled man. He Tried to make the illusion as real as possible. He then came to an utterly startling realization, he wanted Bel. He led Bel out to the balcony, and they watched the sunrise, it was bright, and beautiful.

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The light peeked through Levi's shades, Lussuria stirred, pulling Levi closer. Levi placed a light kiss on the pouty lips of his lover as they lay together in the dawning light.

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Squalo Clung to Xanxus desperately, he loved the other man, and would always sacrifice his happiness for Xanxus' but he would never say I love you first. Most of the time he wasn't even sure. Their bond was special, to be sure, but then again, Xanxus was always so cold to him that he wondered if he was just something to be thrown away, but he let his worries fall to the wayside, as the sky turned a light blue with the coming of dawn. The Dawn of Doomsday: Febuary 14th(Valentine's Day)

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_**(A/N): No your Author isn't original enough to think of plot twists. Not much humor in this chapter, it turned out rather angsty, but it's a great set-up for the next chapter I have in mind. The Semes will be in big trouble in the next Chapter: ValenDoom's Day.**_

_**As usual, Review plzzz, I need it to keep pe writing these stories.**_


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